Broadway World says that the virgin moppet known as Nick Jonas will join the cast of Les Miserables in London for three weeks starting next month. And no, Nick is not playing that creepy singing boy urchin who reeks of dead bodies and burnt toe nails. No, Nick played that role when he was a kid. Instead he will play the part of the rebel student Marius. If you have no idea what I’m going on about, just mutter “gay” to yourself and go on to the next exhibit.
Cameron Mackintosh, the producer of Les Miz, had this to say about Nick joining the cast, “I went up to him at the closing night party in New York and told him he was terrific and hoped that one day he would return to play Marius. We’ve been in touch a lot and, of course, since then he has become this world-famous star. He and his father and I agreed that it would be great if he came and played Marius here in London.”
That show is going to be a mess. And not only because fragile Nick is going to accidentally pre-cum every time he feels the vibrations from the moving turntable stage. No, it’s going to be a mess because every crazed Jonas fangirl is going to act the fool in the audience. Screaming and creaming and shit. While you’re trying to fill your soul with heartfelt song (that is the gayest thing I’ve ever typed and that’s saying a lot), do you also want to fill your nostrils with the scent of cooch curd? The poor bitch who always sat next to me in high school during Anderson Cooper’s Channel One news show knows what I’m talking about.