Til Dirty Vagina Do Us Part

Kiss a baby wipe and kick a roll of toilet paper, because Terrence Howard got married! Yes, there is a real woman out there whose vagina is squeaky clean enough for Terrence to marry! Trust me, I’m sure Terrence thoroughly tested the woman to make sure she doesn’t have an untidy vagina that will keep his fragile nostrils twitching in the middle of the night. If her pussy doesn’t whistle and squeak when she queefs, Terrence would never put a ring on it.

UsWeekly brings the news that Terrence made Michelle Ghent-Howard his second wife. Terry and Michelle quietly got married a few months ago. While promoting the Winnie Mandela biopic in Cannes (Terry plays Nelson), Terry said to Anderson Cooper during an interview, “To come here and be with my wife, it’s the best feeling in the world.”

Let’s hope Terrence is generous enough to share the pictures of his beautiful wedding with us. I’m sure the bride wore a gown made of baby wipes and carried a bouquet of hypoallergenic tampons. Terrence was going to wear a bow tie and cummerbund made out of douche bottles, but he thought that was a bit redundant seeing as though he’s already a douchebag. And instead of declaring “You may now kiss the bride,” the preacher said, “You may now sniff the bride’s cooch to make sure she smells as fresh as a newborn baby’s asshole.” Just beautiful.