Lindsay Lohan Is Wanted

Somebody actually wants Lindsay Lohan, and that somebody is Judge Marsha Revel in Los Angeles. Judge Marsha just issued a bench warrant for LiLo’s arrest, because she failed to show up to court this morning for her DUI progress hearing. LiLo’s lawyer tried to argue that she couldn’t make it to court today because Michael Lohan’s hired ninjas ate her passport so she couldn’t get on a flight from France to California. Or something like that.

The judge threw LiLo’s excuse into the trash and issued a warrant for her arrest. The judge said LiLo can post $100,000 bail if she wears a SCRAM bracelet, doesn’t drink any of the sweet nectar and submits to random drug testing at least once a week. When LiLo’s lawyer continued to whine about the decision, the judge explained that her client could’ve easily gotten a new passport and made it to the hearing in time. The judge added that LiLo has a history of not showing up to scheduled hearings.

Judge Marsha just dropped a “Bitch Boom Bye” on Lindsay’s head! By the way, it helps if you picture Judge Marsha as Marsha Warfield. Actually, most things are better if you picture them as Marsha Warfield.

This is going to be good. Thinks about all the excuses she’s going to come up with when her SCRAM bracelet goes off or when her drug tests come back positive! “My not father snuck into my room while I was sleeping and gave my SCRAM bracelet a hand job to start screaming!” “My not father poured meth into my bottles of fake tanner.”

And now LiLo can finally wear her 6126 leggings with a built-in-pouch for a SCRAM bracelet.

Here’s LiLo walking the plank in Cannes late last night.