Lindsay Lohan Needs Better Excuses

May 19, 2010 / Posted by:

A judge has already threatened to throw Lindsay Lohan into a jail cell if she doesn’t show up to court in Beverly Hills tomorrow morning for her DUI progress hearing. LiLo should work on her perfecting her perp walk, because there’s no way she’s going to make it to California by tomorrow morning.

TMZ says that LiLo is still in Cannes and is claiming that someone stole her passport. LiLo tried to get on a flight yesterday, but it was impossible seeing as though she didn’t have a goddamn motherfucking passport! And they even refused to let her board the plane when she screamed at them, “You are fucking bitches! This is my prom!” The nerve.

LiLo’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, tells TMZ: “I was on the phone with Lindsay’s assistant the entire night and we’re doing everything we can to resolve this issue and get her back to L.A. Lindsay is distraught because it was her intention to get back to L.A. today to do more alcohol education classes today and appear in court tomorrow.”

LiLo is supposed to go to the U.S. Embassy tomorrow to get a new passport. We’ll see how that goes.

Nobody stole that bitch’s passport! What happened was that LiLo couldn’t find a spoon or a dollar bill, so she rolled that shit up to get a snort in. She’s resourceful like that. Well, LiLo’s nostrils got more suction than a power bottom’s b-hole, so it sucked her passport right up. Yes, her nostril ate her passport! Someone just needs to hit her in the back of the head and that shit will come shooting out along with Ali Lohan’s youth and White Oprah’s common sense.

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