It’s Raining Bloody Spit Balls On Prom Night

Who needs a prom picture in front of a background featuring night clouds and roman columns when you’ve got a glamorous memento like the mug shot above? This is 18-year-old Jessica Halter of Ohio and she made the North Ridgeville High School prom a night to remember after she was dragged out by police for cursing out the assistant principal, spewing bloody spit balls at paramedics and swinging a chair at the cops.

If Jessica was not crowned prom queen on the spot, then North Ridgeville High needs to throw all their students into detention for not recognizing a royal lady when they see one. Nothing goes with a pair of handcuffs like rhinestones and a sash.

The Smoking Gun has all the glorious details of Jessica’s reign of glamour:

According to a Lorain Police Department report, an officer working the North Ridgeville High School prom was approached by school administrators who had received several complaints about the “highly intoxicated” Halter. When told of these complaints, Halter replied, “This is my fucking prom, this is bullshit.”

Halter, her speech slurred, denied drinking alcohol and cursed out the school’s principal and assistant principal. “You are fucking bitches, this is my prom, I’m not drunk,” said Halter. After refusing to take a Breathalyzer test, Halter attempted to swing a chair at cops, and then began “smacking her forehead into the chair handle causing her nose to bleed.”

While being handcuffed, Halter “began kicking, screaming, spitting and thrashing about.” As she was walked out of DeLuca’s catering hall, Halter–screaming obscenities–“let her legs go limp,” so officers had to carry the teen to a patrol car. That is when Halter “cleared her throat and spit a bloody ball of spit” at Officer Kyle Gelenius, whose name tag was ripped from his uniform by Halter during the confrontation.

Seated in the back of the cruiser, Halter “continued to spit blood on the windows, the divider, and the roof,” and kicked the vehicle’s window. For her prom night meltdown, Halter was booked into the Lorain County jail and charged with assaulting a cop, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and underage drinking.

“You are fucking bitches, this is my prom” is today’s phrase that pays in bloody spit balls! Use it whenever you can. When KFC tells you they are out of Double Downs, look them in the eye and say, “You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!” When your man can’t get his dick up and is trying to shove his limp peen into your fuck part, shout at him, “You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!” It works for everything!

Jessica is also proving to us that no amount of Bump-Its or hair spray can leave your hair in a state of ravishment like in the mug shot above. If you want hair like that, you better hike up your Windsor Fashions gown and get ready to rumble. I bet that hair smells like Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Sour Apple Schnapps, White Rain, blood, chicken parm and smashed carnations. That sound like the scent for Lindsay Lohan’s perfume.

And I really hope Jessica is named “Most Likely To Sprain Her Ankle While Drunkenly Falling Off The Rock Of Love Bus” by her graduating class.