Tom Kaulitz’s Boner Troubles

May 16, 2010 / Posted by:

Following a show in Taiwan one night, Tom Kaulitz, the 20-year-old guitarist of Tokio Hotel, didn’t really know how to past the time after he finished braiding his hair with the mane of an ebony unicorn. Tom suddenly remembered someone giving him a bunch of Viagra pills, so he decided to play with those. Tom apparently told Bilde (I know, I know) that he pulled a Larry King by swallowing a giant load of Viagra. Actually, I don’t think he totally pulled a Larry King since that zombie mashes his Viagra into a bowl of boiled flies and prune juice.

After several Vs slid down Tom’s throat, he said his peen was as stiff as Kate Gosselin for 2 days straight. Tom said, “I popped a few more pills, probably too many. The next morning my head was pounding and everything in front of my eyes was blurry. It wasn’t fun any more. It was pretty bad. The 60-year-old masseuse that I visited the next day was slightly confused.”

You know, I’m not sure if Tom’s permanent boner had anything to do with Viagra. I think it had something to do with the fact that he’s fucking 20-years-old! We all had boners that refused to sleep when we were 20-years-old! If Tom really wanted to make his boner drop and pass out, he should’ve just pictured Larry King nekkid ass nekkid. Nothing kills an erect dick like imaging Larry’s worm wiggling for a bite. Yes, Larry’s Viagra ways brings you up and picturing him naked brings you down. Full circle.

And speaking of bringing you up, Tom’s ravishing twin brother Bill doesn’t need Viagra to make his pussy pop.

Tom just needs to gaze at a virgin eyeliner pencil…and BOOM! And I think the eyeliner pencil feels the same way.

via HuffPo

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >