Lindsay Lohan’s Assault On Booze Continues

The freckled Gollum has once again disrespected the sweet nectar we all hold near and dear to our livers. Page Six says that Lindsay Lohan raged on at 1Oak the other night for absolutely no reason. I shouldn’t say “no reason.” The reason is that Lindsay is crazier than a bat eating shit.

A source says that when Blohan spotted New York Rangers player Aaron Voros and Sean Avery sitting at a table with model Jessica Stam, she flipped out and tried to get them thrown out. Only a delusional Lohan would think they could get someone thrown out of a club. Bitch couldn’t get a dead rat thrown out of a Waffle House.

The source explains, “Lindsay threw a fit because she wanted to be at their table near the DJ. But she claimed she didn’t want to sit with Aaron and said, ‘He’s my ex-boyfriend. I don’t want him anywhere near me.’ Voros denied knowing her. A drink then flew in Jessica’s face, and Lindsay demanded their table be moved out. Club bosses refused and tried to calm her down. Stam, Voros and Avery were shocked but didn’t retaliate, and Lindsay left shortly afterward.”

If Blohan wants to throw liquid at a bitch’s face, then that’s fine. But at least have the decency to throw something other than booze! I mean, last night I ordered my second vodka before dinner and you know what the waiter said to me? The bitch told me that they were OUT OF VODKA! Dude might as well have stabbed me in the froat while punching a puppy between the eyes! I collapsed on the ground and hollered like Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball after she found out her son died. Visions of the waiter pulling a sheet over an empty bottle of vodka flashed through my head.

And you know who I blame? LINDSAY LOHAN! If she didn’t continue to waste booze, the world would not be suffering a vodka drought. Al Gore needs to do a documentary on this important subject and call that bitch out! Eff Global Warming, Lohan Warming is the real danger.

Here’s the booze abuser giving an exclusive interview to Barbara Walters Diane Sawyer Oprah Tyra Banks Wendy Williams The Insider Jerry Springer a bum on the street a paparazzo. This is delusion’s favorite interview of the day!