Matt Lauer Is Not Getting A Divorce

Matt Lauer is all mad and shit about the rumors that his wife of 12 years Annette has thrown his ass onto the curb after she suspected him of cheating with several hos in Vancouver last February. The rumor goes that while Matt was covering the Winter Olympics, he down low dicked several pieces (not including the hot piece pictured above with Matt) who aren’t his wife. Whitney Houston’s half-sister Alexis has already denied that she’s one of Matt’s side-pieces.

Matt tells People that the story is a straight up falsity:

“I am living in my apartment with Annette and my children as a family and a couple. I have never moved out. I am not moving out. There is no truth to that.”

Annette Lauer says in a separate interview with PEOPLE, “Out of self respect, I want to stand up for our family and protect them.”

Even if the rumors are true, Annette is not going to send Matt to a hotel. I mean, why let him waste money you can collect in the settlement?! That’s just stupid thinking. Although, you don’t let him sleep on the sofa in case a drop of his whore’s cooch juice dribbles out of his mouth and onto your cushions while he’s sleeping. And you don’t let him sleep in the guest room, because when your mother comes to visit you don’t want her to catch ass crabs (or do you?). You give him the bed sheet with your period stains on it and send him to sleep in the bath tub!