Tiger Woods, Vanilla Gorilla, And Now Matt Lauer

Tiger Woods and Vanilla Gorilla might have found the third piece to complete their manslut trinity! Lock up your vaginas, because the Three Whoremigos are coming! Maybe. Possibly. That’s if you believe the National Enquirer (via Radar). They are shouting from the top of the sex rehab clinic that Matt Lauer and his wife of 12 years Annette haven’t lived under the same roof in 2 months.

Apparently, Annette believes that Matt passed his peen all around Vancouver while he was covering the Winter Olympics last February. Basically, every time Johnny Weir threw Evan Likesdadick a shank eye, Matt Lauer was sticking it in some random piece. That’s a lot of pieces.

A wife of another staffer whispered in Annette’s ear about Matt’s trampy ways in Vancouver. Matt was spotted “canoodling” with at least two female broadcasters. Annette’s suspicions reached a fever pitch when Matt stood her up on Valentine’s Day, because he wanted to stay in Vancouver instead. Matt denied the accusations when Annette confronted him, but she still thinks something in the milk ain’t clean (hint: it’s herpes).

This wouldn’t be the first time Matt dipped his dong on the down low. He reportedly cheated on Annette just a few months before they got married. In 2006, Annette filed for divorce, but canceled that shit after one month.

A source tells the Enquirer, “Matt is trying to keep this [split] on the down low. Matt is still very involved in his children’s lives. He goes to the family apartment after he finishes his Today duties to see the kids – and picks them up from school. For their sake, he and Annette plan to continue getting together on weekends – and they’ll go to their house in the Hamptons.”

I believe this, because Matt looks like the type who will pick up a chick in a bar and finger her in a bathroom stall (while still wearing his wedding ring) without even buying her a drank! Then he goes home and sweetly holds his wife’s face with his trick’s snatch syrup still glistening on his finger.

Matt is kind of dude who asks his trick to give him a beej in the cab and then immediately gets out afterwards leaving her with the fare. Then he goes home and tells his wife he forget to shake after going pee pee which is why he’s got a wet spot on his crotch area.

You know that bitch. Hell, you were probably the slut in the cab!