Single White Chicken Cutlet

May 13, 2010 / Posted by:

Break off a bone from a chicken drumstick and sharpen it into a shank, because shit is getting real. This isn’t international supermodel Phoebe Price, this is an impostor who goes by the name Maria Kanellis. Maria is a contestant on Celebrity Apprentice, and it looks like she’s trying to get a piece of the chicken pot pie. Bitch ain’t even a Chicken McNugget, let alone Chicken Cutlets!

Everybody and their butcher knows that Phoebe Price is the only creature with hair like a red fern waterfall who is allowed to put reject craft projects on top of her head! And Maria is doing everything wrong.

You’re not supposed to actually read the tabloid, you’re supposed to turn to some random page and pose with it! You’re not supposed to pay the parking meter, you’re supposed to pose in front of it as though it’s the Eiffel Tower. Really, Maria!? If you’re going to attempt to copy perfection, you have to come harder. Maybe PP will see something in this lost poor thing and take Maria under her freckled wing.

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