The Cannes Film Festival started tonight with a big premiere for Robin Hoody Hoo, and Kate Beckinsale, who isn’t even in that mess, showed up thinking she was the fanciest Barbie Cake at the party. No girl no. If you’re a Barbie Cake, then nobody wants a slice and we’ll stick with the sheet cake from Costco.
You know how pissed off I would be if I was sitting in that theater and Kate sat next to me with her big ass dress. Tulle knocking the straw in my extra large coke! Tulle getting in my popcorn! Tulle blocking my view of Russell Crowe’s bulge on the big screen! Tulle ruining my life! If bitch wants to look like the aftermath of a swan massacre then she needs to stand in the back out of everyone’s way.
Or maybe Kate was smart and ripped that Kleenex orgy off revealing a pair of Body Glove biker shorts underneath. But she isn’t, so you know she effed up somebody’s viewing experience.
Anyway, here’s some other hos from tonight’s premiere. In order: Kate’s annoying ass, Cate Blanchett, Russell Crowe with his wife, Salma Hayek, Helen Mirren, Eva “WHY ARE YOU THERE?” Longoria, Hofit Golan, Benicio Del Toro, Gael Garcia Bernal, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Aishwarya Rai.