Picture this: Sean Penn cooling his hot headed anus on a big block of ice while a teacher (played by angel Ray Walston) lectures him about how he needs to pet more kittens instead of being so angry at the world. HA! That’s like if someone kicked the dick and booze out of our hands and told us to stop being such DRUNK SLUTS. Will. Never. Com. Pute. Angry Sean Penn is angry. Forever.
But a judge in Los Angeles has faith that Sean Penn can turn his angry heart into a funnel for rainbows, because he has ordered him to 36 hours of anger management classes for kicking a paparazzo last year. Sean pleaded “no contest” as part of a plea deal that will keep him out of the clink. In addition to anger management, Sean was also put on 3 years probation and must complete 300 hours of community service. If Sean fucks it up, he will go to jail.
Sean’s lawyer explained to reporters why he simply rolled over and accepted the plea instead of fighting back: “Prolonging this matter in the court system would not have been in Mr. Penn’s best interests and would have distracted from his charitable commitments, specifically his work in Haiti. Accordingly he has decided to accept the terms and move on.”
Instead of going to anger management, Sean should have to work as Naomi Campbell’s maid for a full day. Naomi would slap the sass out of Sean in a quick minute. Either that or they would literally eat each other alive until all that’s left is Naomi’s wig and Sean’s butt plug. It’s a win/win either way.