Joaquin Phoenix’s Mockumentary Might Be A Scat Film

May 10, 2010 / Posted by:

Have you always wanted to see Joaquin Phoenix get shat on while he slept? Or as Joel McHale would say, get a Spencer Pratt to the face while he twirled away in dreamland? Well, you’ve got luck in your pocket (and sickness in your brains), because word is that Joaquin’s documentary features a scene where one of his arch rivals literally takes a shit on top of him. While a dookie on Joaquin’s face doesn’t sound like a pretty sight, anything is better than that hairy shit on his face.

The news went around last week that Casey Affleck, who directed that shit, is shopping the documentary I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix around to buyers. The L.A. Times says that while some people are interested in buying Joaquin’s shit party for one, most left the screening scratching their heads and not because his flea-ridden appearance gave them the itches.

Agents at William Morris Endeavor, the sellers of the Casey Affleck-directed film, have started showing the movie to potential distributors, and while some were apparently interested in bidding for “I’m Still Here’s” distribution rights, the shoppers left the screening perhaps even more mystified by Phoenix’s behavior than when they walked in.

Several buyers said the film overflowed with Hollywood debauchery, including more male frontal nudity than you’d find in some gay porn films and a stomach-turning sequence in which someone feuding with Phoenix defecates on the actor while he’s asleep.

Buyers still aren’t sure if the movie is real or a hoax, so the caca on Joaquin could actually be ground beef from Taco Bell or one of Fishstick Paltrow’s dishes from GOOP.

And tell your genitals to calm down, because I doubt the frontal nudity is anything to fap about. If the beard matches the pubes, then it probably just looks like an albino mole peeking through a dead shrub.

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