Dear Papa Joe, Please Step Away From Photoshop RIGHT NOW

May 7, 2010 / Posted by:

At an Operation Smile event in NYC last night, Jessica Simpson gave a variety of interesting facial expressions that are just aching for the Photoshop treatment. If Papa Joe must put these pictures through the Photoshop wringer, I hope he keeps it clean. Literally. Seriously, drop a Sonicare or a Water Pik in her mouth. If bitch isn’t going to brush her teefs in real life, she can at least brush them through the magic of Photoshop (soon to be renamed “SJPshop,” trademark pending).

When Jessica wasn’t using her face to reenact my nightly bong ritual, she answered questions from the likes of UsWeekly. They asked Jessica about the rumors that she’s brushing her teefs with Jeremy Renner’s peen. Jessica kept her lips shut and her publicist dragged her on to the next mic.

Of course, Jessica isn’t going to say shit about that. She wants everyone to keep talking about it. It’s the equivalent of sticking the tip in and promptly pulling out to leave them twitching for more. That’s how Papa Joe explained it to her anyway.

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