Open Post: Hosted By The Finest Pearl Of Illinois

May 6, 2010 / Posted by:

This portrait of a pristine lady with eyebrows as fine as a cherub’s sweet whisper was jailed for 48-hours after she showed up to court wearing an appropriate t-shirt with one of Emily Bronte’s most famous quotes on it: “I Have The Pussy So I Make The Rules“.

19-year-old Jennifer LaPenta (or LaPuta as she’s known on the inside) was only there to wait for a friend while they settled a few traffic tickets. During the hearing, Judge Helen Rozenberg called Jennifer to the front and told her the shirt was very offensive. Jennifer offered to take the shirt off (you know, because her bare titties are less offensive), but Judge Helen wasn’t having it. Judge Helen showed her who really had the biggest pussy in that bitch by charging her with contempt. Jennifer was arrested and thrown in a jail cell.

Jennifer tells the Chicago Sun-Times that she’s considering filing a lawsuit against the court.

What is this world coming to? A young lady can’t wear a t-shirt with a profoundly important message on it out in public? Whatever happened to freedom of bragging about your pussy?! That amendment was very important to James Madison and Judge Helen is ignoring it!

There’s only one way to settle this. Jennifer and Judge Helen should both drop their Juicy Couture sweatpants to prove who really has the biggest pussy in the land. My coins are on Jennifer since she’s been in lady jail for 2 days…..

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