Remember when Joaquin Phoenix was running around looking like a dingle-ridden matted hairball found inside Brit Brit’s weave? Remember when he went full Courtney Love on David Letterman? Remember when he tried to become the Vanilla Ice of Skid Row? Well, as many of you suspected, it was all a hoax! Probably. Maybe. I think.
Deadline Hollywood said that a mockumentary of Joaquin’s insane hobo adventures is making the rounds to the studio. The mockumentary was shot by Joaquin’s friend Casey Affleck. Deadline Hollywood says this:
ME is selling the film, and it may only take a couple of days to reach a deal. I hear the agency and the distributors intend to keep the mock’s content under wraps for as long as they can for maximum shock value. (So it won’t be part WME Global’s sales push at the Cannes Film Festival.) Presumably, the film answers Hollywood’s bewilderment about whether Joaquin was serious about quitting acting — or whether he was just, well, acting.
You know, I expect this kind of trickery from “performance fartist” James Franco, but not Joaquin! How dare he toy with our emotions like this. Those of you who spent your hard-earned booze money on sending Joaquin a hot comb and lice shampoo should sue Joaquin! Not to mention all those sleepless nights you spent devouring whole cakes to deal with the stress of worrying about Joaquin’s mental state. That fupa bulge in your pants is Joaquin’s fault. SUE HIM!
And Lindsay Lohan should force Ali Lohan to carry around a camera so she can tell people that she’s not really a delusional crackhead who would fuck a maggot for an 8-ball. She’s just acting for a mockumentary!