Uwe Mitzscherlich and Cecilia, the 39-year-old German with a curly mullet and the cat he married after finding out she is not long for this world. Jennifer Aniston, this one goes out to you!
Uwe (or “EWWW” as Cecilia calls him) has lived with his pussy friend for almost 10 years and was broken in the heart when the vet told him that she would not live much longer. So Uwe decided he wanted to force her into a marriage with him before she went off to the great big litter box in the sky. Uwe said, “Cecilia is such a trusting creature. We cuddle all the time and she has always slept in my bed.”
Cut to Cecilia throwing a “I only do Q-tips” side-eye while thinking to herself, “I’m not THAT trusting.” I’m hoping that Uwe did not get black and white pussy on his wedding night.
Since Uwe doesn’t have any friends who speak human words, he hired an actress to officiate the beautiful ceremony in his backyard. The marriage is not legal in Germany, but it’s legal in Uwe’s heart and that’s all that matters.
So if you’re a divorce attorney in Germany and get a call from a cat who can’t stop meowing, you now know who it is and what she wants.
Click here to see the video of this holy catrimony.