Two Gorgeous Rich People Broke Up

Halle Berry has reportedly been ejected from the 24-hour hot piece ride named Gabriel Aubry. Radar has it on good authority that Gabriel pink-slipped Halle after 5 years, because he didn’t feel the relationship was working anymore. A source says that Halle and Gabriel have already worked out a custody deal. They will share custody of their 2-year-old daughter Nahla and Gabriel will walk away without a cent from Halle. Uh huh.

The source says that they broke up months ago, because Gabriel’s peen started to get the fever for other women. The source explains, “When they were first together the 9-year age difference between them didn’t phase him, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever dated and he was totally in love. But as time went on he started feeling it more and more. Also, Gabriel started noticing other women, and being attracted to other, and he felt it just wasn’t right to stay with Halle in those circumstances. Gabriel is a really nice, decent guy and he would never cheat on her, but I suspect that he had become attracted to someone and that he felt he needed to break it off with Halle before anything developed any further.”

Gabriel has a face and body that can launch a thousand genitals into a sea of crotch milk, but he’s kind of simple in the brains, right? Just because your dick gets a craving for a different flavor of snatch doesn’t mean you’re a cheater. It means you’re fucking human! Even if I was Mr. Mah Boo Anderson Cooper, I would still perk up when a hot piece strolled by. Did I just type that out loud? I didn’t mean that, Mah Boo! I would never wink at another. Well, unless Rojo Caliente and Carrot Top merged into one person. But only then!

However, at least Gabriel told Halle to git gone before his peen joined the manwhore parade. If you’re going to do it, that is how you do it (I’m staring at you Vanilla Gorilla and Tiger).