Caged Cokey Starring Lindsay Lohan

April 30, 2010 / Posted by:

I think it’s safe to say that we all co-sign the look on the faces of the two people behind Lindsay Lohan. That’s a “Shaking My Head Without Shaking It” look if I ever saw one. That’s basically how we all feel about this mess.

TMZ is predicting that Lindsay Lohan will go to jail for violating the terms of her probation for DUI. Bloatedhan was supposed to go to alcohol education classes every single week, but since she’s Lindsay Lohan she barely shows up. The judge warned her that if she didn’t complete the courses she would go directly to jail.

The University of Jack Daniels (or wherever Lindsay goes) hasn’t turned her in for not showing up, because they are only required to let the court know about truancy if the student hasn’t attended class for 21 days. The trick knows how to trick the system so she usually waited until the 21st day to show up for class.

Lindsay’s lawyer said this, “We have received no negative written report from the program and contend Ms. Lohan is therefore in compliance.”

In Lindsay’s defense, how in the hell can she go to booze ed classes when she’s always tanked?! Bitch should just tell the judge that she’s already highly educated on the subject of booze. In fact, several bars in the Los Angeles area have named her their official Valedrunktorian. So she should be teaching a master class on booze, not taking one.

And I would like to think that the judge will shock us all by throwing her in the chokey for a long ass time. Then she will sober up, fall in love with her cellmate (a gentle cholita dyke named La Chona) and the two will move to Mexico where they will open up a taco stand by the beach. But that won’t happen. Lindsay will stroll into jail, make new drug contacts and then stroll back out 90-minutes later. That’s the way the crack rock crumbles.

Here’s a few pictures of Lindsay and the Wicked Witch of Long Island leaving Los Angeles yesterday. Do not make the first thumbnail bigger or you might feel the urge to throw a glass of water at the screen.

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