Only Brad Pitt Can Be On The Cover Architectural Digest

Brad Pitt and Angie Jolie need to start monitoring Maddox’s cell phone usage, because it looks like he’s been cranking UsWeekly again. I take that back. Maddox needs to keep on, because this shit is hilarious.

The other day, Maddox forced his assistant Shiloh to speed dial UsWeekly so that he could tell them all about how his daddy thinks his arch rival Jennifer Aniston is a pathetic, desperate hag of epic proportions. Poor Shiloh got a cramp in her arm, because she had to hold up the phone to Maddox’s ear so that he could file his nails at the same time. Maddox thinks only peons use Bluetooth and he doesn’t like to waste a minute of his day.

Anyway, a source (let’s just play along) tells UsWeekly that Billy Goat Brad was fuming mad when he found out that Jennifer Aniston was on the cover of Architectural Digest. Billy Goat huffed, puffed, meeeeeeh-ed and stomped around. Shit got so bad that Angie gave him a tire to chew on so that he could calm down.

The source explained, “Brad thinks she is pathetic. He was disgusted when Jen felt the need to parade herself in the pages of Architectural Digest. Brad feels this is all so desperate. It was a ploy to get his attention.”

This is not true, but if it is Billy Goat needs to climb up a tree and shut up. If he’s so mad he should get back at Jennifer Aniston by posing on the cover of Beanie Baby Weekly or some shit.