And I’ve Officially Heard It All

April 29, 2010 / Posted by:

I’m all for finding a person in the world who loves nothing more than to cuddle up on your genitals, but YOUR OWN ABUELITA?!

This story is as uncomfortable as a sex nightmare about one of your relatives. Meet 72-year-old Pearl of Indiana and her 26-year-old biological grandson Phil. They are in love and they are having a child together via a surrogate. From New Zealand’s New Idea:

Pearl Carter is positively glowing with joy. She has a handsome new boyfriend, is enjoying an active sex life after many years of celibacy and, amazingly, is preparing to become a mother again.

But the retired grandmother isn’t carrying the baby herself. She and her young lover have spent a staggering $54,000 hiring a surrogate to help them with their dreams of having a child.

What makes Pearl’s decision to become a mum again even more shocking is that her new boyfriend is her biological grandson, 26-year-old Phil Bailey.

Phil is the son of Pearl’s daughter Lynette Bailey, and the pair is braving public horror and even prison by breaking one of the last taboos – incest.

However, the pair makes no apologies for their controversial plan to start their own family.

‘I’m not interested in anyone else’s opinion,’ Pearl says. ‘I am in love with Phil and he’s in love with me. Soon I’ll be holding my son or daughter in my arms and Phil will be the proud dad’.

Phil adds, ‘I love Pearl with all my heart. I’ve always been attracted to older women and I think Pearl is gorgeous. Now I’m going to be a dad and I can’t wait.

Phil and Pearl didn’t meet until he was 18-years-old. Pearl gave Phil’s mother up for adoption shortly after she had her. Phil didn’t try to find Pearl until his mother died of brain cancer. Phil sent Pearl a letter which led to them meeting face to face. Pearl describes how her dry desert of a vagina filled with lady jizz when she first laid eyes on Phil:

From the first moment that I saw him, I knew we would never have a grandmother-grandson relationship,’ Pearl remembers happily. ‘For the first time in years I felt sexually alive.’

Phil admits that he had the same feelings towards Pearl.

‘I wanted to kiss her there and then,’ he says. ‘My feelings were overwhelming.’

The pair spent the first week shopping, bowling and eating out. During the second week, giggly on wine after a night out, Pearl decided she wasn’t going to deny her feelings anymore

Confused, Pearl talked to a friend, who told her about an article she’d read on Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA), which occurs when close relatives meet as adults and are attracted to each other.

‘I could now understand my feelings and realize they weren’t wrong,’ Pearl says.

Pearl and Phil have been together since 2006. A year ago they decided to use Pearl’s retirement money to hire a surrogate to carry their child. Pearl says, “I am finally going to be a mum and not forced to give up my child. Phil’s going to be a great dad. I never in a million years thought at 72 I’d be “pregnant” and in love with my grandson. I make no apologies and I believe God’s given me a second chance.

I’m trying not to judge, but grandmas are supposed to hit you in the mouth with their chankla! They aren’t supposed to hit you in the mouth with their chocha! Grandmas are supposed to serve you a warm apple fritter on a cold day. They aren’t supposed to serve you a piece of their lukewarm crotch fritter! Grandmas should have a name like Pearl. They shouldn’t lick their dentures in ecstasy when you give them a pearl necklace. You should get your grandmother a cotton robe on Mother’s Day. You shouldn’t get your grandmother crotchless panties for Mother’s Day!

If this story was a paint color, it’s name would be: EVERY SHADE OF WRONG.

With that being said, I awkwardly congratulate these two. I also thank them for giving me a reason to fire up the bong early. Thank you.

(Thanks to Chessa too)

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