Let’s just cut to the coked up coochie and skip the small talk. In Pam Grier’s new memoir she writes about a conversation she had with her doctor in the 70s after he discovered layers of cocaine crust in her snatch. Yes, a cocaine-encrusted vagina. Your Utopia exists, Charlie Sheen!
He said, “Pam, I want to tell you about an epidemic that’s prevalent in Beverly Hills right now. It’s a buildup of cocaine residue around the cervix and in the vagina. You have it. Are you doing drugs?”
“No,” I said, astonished.
“Well, it’s really dangerous,” he went on. “Is your partner putting cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection?”
“No,” I said, “not that I know of. It’s not like he has a pile of cocaine next to the bed and he dips his penis in it before we have sex.” I had a nauseating flash of one of Richard’s famous lines: Even my dick has a cocaine jones.
“Are you sure he isn’t doing it in the bathroom before he comes to bed?” the doctor asked.
“That’s a possibility,” I said. “You know, I am dating Richard Pryor.”
“Oh, my God,” he said. “We have a serious problem here. If he’s not putting it on his skin directly, then it’s worse because the coke is in his seminal fluid.”
The doctor then asks her if her mouth went numb while performing oral sex on Pryor, which she says it did, and which he links to the Novocaine-like effects of cocaine.
Richard Pryor continues to bring the laughs from the other side! This is some hilarious shit.
Everything made sense to Pam after that. That annoying noise keeping her up all night was just her vag grinding its lips. And suddenly she knew why she felt a thump down below whenever a Bee Gees song came on the radio. Her cokevag was getting down!
Jezebel spoke to a doctor-type who said that chochas are very “forgiving” so it is unlikely “that there could be any toxic vagina effect of cocaine.”
But if it’s true that cocaine can exist in genital jizz, then Lindsay Lohan just found the cure to all her problems! Cokeheads will be lining up around the block to snort her potent pussy nectar. Tell White Oprah to sign the lease on that brand new burgundy Caddy!