Wonky McValtrex recently dumped burrito heir Doug Reinhardt, because her mutant cooch gnats slowly ate his penis so she really doesn’t have any use for him anymore. Wonky says that even though thousands of dudes are throwing themselves at her hooves, she still wants to remain single.
At last night’s UsWeekly party, Wonky told The Sun, “A lot of guys have obviously hit on me and I am getting thousands of calls, but I’m not ready to be with anyone. Maybe in six months or a year but, right now, I’m just too busy for a relationship.”
This bitch. Like there’s really a thousand straight dudes on the planet who haven’t hit that. Walk into any burn center in any city and ask every dude there what they’re in for. 9 out of 10 of them will tell you, “I had sex with Paris Hilton.”
I’m sure she’s getting a thousand calls a day, but half are from the CDC begging her to stop, and the other half are from the pharmaceutical companies telling her to keep on, keep on.