The Truth Is Out There!!!!!

April 20, 2010 / Posted by:

When we last left Mel Gibson’s baby mama OctoSana Grigorieva, she had been left on the curb by the corn syrup chichis connoisseur for whatever reason. Well, at a press conference in Moscow for her charity single (proceeds go to the victims of Chernobyl) OctoSana talked about the split and promised that the truth would soon be revealed. Cue a dramatic close-up followed by the “Lost” boom!

OctoSana told reporters, “I can tell you that..we have split up, suddenly and recently. Unfortunately, I cannot give you the reason. But you will find out everything quite soon. Here is the official version: We split up by mutual consent and we will raise our daughter together. She is currently with my mother in my Los Angeles home.

This dramatic bitch. And then OctoSana let out a mysterious cackle before her assistant raised a “To Be Continued” sign made out of cardboard. Her assistant was supposed to turn off the lights immediately afterwards for an extra theatrical effect, but there was a technical problem so OctoSana had to awkwardly shuffle out of the room under the bright lights.

OctoSana is trying to make it sound like there’s a shocking reason for the split. The only way I would be shocked is if it comes out that Mel Gibson had an affair with Jewish zombie Larry King. Even that wouldn’t be THAT shocking, because Mel would ignore his allergic reaction to Jewish people in order to kiss the hand of a man who babysat Jesus Christ back in the day.

And OctoSana also told reporters that she will remove a hammer-and-sickle tattoo on her ankle that Mel Gibson asked her to get. Too easy.

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