Justin Timberlake Is Torturing Jessica Biel
According to UsWeekly, Justin Timberlake is maliciously torturing his girlfriend Jessica Biel by flirting with his ex Cameron Diaz on the set of their movie Bad Teacher. And according to me, UsWeekly is maliciously torturing us by using a picture of Cameron Diaz on their cover looking like she’s about to send a dark cloud of locusts after us before retreating into a bottomless pit. But this post is not about that. So just step into a circle of sea salt, and let’s move on…
Several sources tell UsWeekly that Justin Timberlake knows by working with his ex-piece on a movie, he has cut a wound into Jessica Biel’s heart. And apparently, he keeps pissing on that wound by tickling the pepperonis on Cameron’s face. One source said, “He tortured Jess by taking this role, and they are reaching a breaking point. The truth is, I don’t know if they can survive this. There’s lots of laughing, making fun of each other, kidding around off camera. Cameron’s sassy with him — and slick, prancing around in tight clothes.”
A different source said that Justin doesn’t “respect” Jessica anymore, and even makes fun of her ass with his friends when she’s not around.
Why does this sound like some shit we’d hear in the quad during morning break while painting each other’s nails with Wite-Out and colored markers? Or if you were that kind of bitch, while sniffing Wite-Out and colored makers.
Jessica is built like Groundskeeper Willie, so if Justin really hurt her feelings, she should just activate her Hulk rage and punch square him in the chocha. It wouldn’t solve anything, but at least she could say she punched Justin in the chocha.
And yes, I’m still holding a crucifix up to that picture of Cameron Diaz while typing with one hand.