Charlie Sheen Is A Master Of Disguise

InTouch Weekly is the Joey Greco of tabloids! They broke open the Vanilla Gorilla saga, and now they are going after Charlie Sheen. Yeah, I don’t think anybody in this universe or beyond will feel one ounce of shock while reading about Charlie Sheen’s down low fuck times with chicks who aren’t his wife. It’s like reading about how I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and started bawling at the state of everything. It goes without saying! A more shocking InTouch headline would be, “Charlie Sheen: Sober, Faithful & Not Acting Like A Total Asshole“.

InTouch claims that Charlie has been passing his used and abused peen to a lingerie model/escort named Angelina Tracy. A source says that Angelina’s vagina goes for $3,000 an hour on the ho stroll, but it’s not known if Charlie is paying her in cash. The two have seen each other several times even when Charlie was in rehab. The source added that Charlie has given Angelina several gifts and shit.

On April 7th, photographers caught Charlie leaving Angelina’s house wearing a broke down, busted up disguise. The photographer said, “He ran down to his car. It seemed like he wanted to leave as quickly as possible.” Yes, Charlie is fooling everyone. Charlie isn’t having an affair with Angelina Tracy! Unabomber Colin Farrell is!

Meanwhile, a friend of Brooke Mueller claims that Charlie has been telling his wife that he’s a changed man. Apparently, Brooke thinks that everything is candy canes and sunshine, “He is seeing Brooke and the kids a lot and is good about continuing treatment. He has been sweet to Brooke, and promises her that he’s changed.”

Brooke must still be nose fucking that narcotic if she truly believes that Charlie is keeping his dick to himself. If Jesus Christ, Dr. Drew and Kid Preacher all put their hands on Charlie and tried to rebuke the whore out of him, he would still be snorting a line off of a call girl’s ass cheek the next day!