Kenny Chesney’s Box Was Too Full

April 12, 2010 / Posted by:

When Kenny Chesney and Squinty Zellweger quit each other after only 4-months of marriage, they cited “fraud” as the official reason for their annulment. Everybody figured “fraud” was just a legal word for “Renee has a vagina.” For the first time since their split, Kenny spoke to Oprah (via Toronto Sun) about why their marriage didn’t work out. It’s because Kenny’s box was way too full! Power bottoms and their problems!

Kenny, who is tangier than a rack of honey barbecued pork ribs, said, “I look at it as a box, my life as a box… so everything that I put in … learning how to play guitar – put in that box, friends I made – I put in that box. My career grew and everything around me, all the awards and all the songs I wrote and all the success, everything, I put in that box. And that box grew to this wonderful house. You protect everything and all the relationships and all the people that helped you build that house… I protected that box and I didn’t know if I could do both. She was a sweet soul, no doubt about it.

Kenny and his damn box. All he had to say was that Squinty didn’t know how to make his box burst (aka bitch’s strap-on skills are whack), which is why he shaved her off and sent her back to the barber shop. And speaking of hot boxes….

While I was looking for pictures of Squinty, I came across this piping hot piece who is speaking my language:

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