Jennifer Aniston is taking Lamaze classes and pulling out the birthing pool, because she’s about to give birth to herself once again. And you know she’s going to throw herself a baby shower and shit.
Jennifer tells Harper’s Bazaar UK that she’s spent the last five years throwing out useless shit (i.e. Brad’s bath water, her first death threat letter from Maddox, etc..) and is ready to begin anew. Tell the band to the play the theme song to Starting Over. Jen said, “The last five years have been about spring cleaning for me. Now it’s time for my rebirth. I love trying new things. I can’t just be put in a box.”
What is this rebirth shit?! Just try not to throw Jennifer an obvious side-eye when she stops you on the street to show you pictures of her reborn self. Just do what you normally do in a situation like that: lie and say “HOW ADORABLE!” before moving on.
Jennifer also talked about her beauty secrets, which don’t include Botox, “I could do it, and I mean these lines are getting deeper every day, but when I tell you what’s happened to me – these lines are just about living. Look I eat really well and I work out, but I also indulge when I want to. I don’t starve myself in an extremist way. You’re not taking away my coffee or my dairy or my glass of wine because I’d be devastated. My advice: just stop eating shit every day.”
Stop eating shit? I could make a joke about Gerard Butler’s asshole hunting finger, but I’ll let you do the honors.