Sandra Bullock Will Divorce Vanilla Gorilla

March 30, 2010 / Posted by:

Soon Vanilla Gorilla will be able to suck on a dozen swastika-adorned snatches out in the open, because word on the block is that Sandra Bullock will stick divorce papers up his ass. A source tells Radar that as mistresses continue to fall from the sky, Sandra is making plans to officially leave Vanilla Gorilla, because she’s already been in one bus crash and she’s not going to do it again. The source added that Sandra is meeting with a divorce lawyer, “She’s had enough. She’s ending the marriage.

Hopefully, Sandra divorce negotiations with Vanilla Gorilla will look something like this:

Sandra’s rep hasn’t confirmed this shit, but they did respond to the rumors that she’s planning to adopt Vanilla Gorilla’s chirruns with his ex-wife. Cinnabun can stop making plans to hide in one of the kids’ suitcases, because it’s not going to happen. The rep said, “There are no plans, nor have there ever been any plans, for Sandra Bullock to adopt any of Jesse James’s children.”

Finally, Radar also reports that Sandra has left her Hollywood Hills home and is now hiding out in some “undisclosed location.” My guess is that she’s hiding in Keanu Reeve’s cardboard house under the bridge, because not even a sewer rat (aka Jesse James) would go there.

So now you have a few things to talk about with your fuck buddy during that awkward in-between moment. You know, that moment where you’re covered in his love and waiting for him to get you a baby wipe (a curtsy to Terrence Howard).

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