Unfortunately, I’m lying in my title. This story isn’t about Jon Gosselin, but it might be about Kate’s former rabid possum friend since they recently parted ways. What a tragic tale. It went from being on the top of the cunt world to being a drunk man’s roadside play thing. RIP. E! better devote an entire True Hollywood Story to Kate’s possum.
A 55-year-old drunktard was arrested and charged with public intoxication after cops spotted him trying to give mouth-to-mouth to a dead possum lying on the side of the road. Some witnesses think that the drunk mess was trying to conduct some sort of seance around the possum. Bitch thinks he’s Miss Jeanette or some shit.
Others think he was trying to give the possum mouth-to-mouth. The police say he did have his mouth near the possum’s mouth.
In all seriousness, since when is it illegal to try to save one of God’s good creatures?! This is an atrocity! The drunk savior was trying to give the possum LIFE! Or maybe he was trying to eat the bits of trash pizza stuck in the possum’s teeth? Who knows, but he shouldn’t have been arrested, he should’ve been celebrated!
If this happened in another part of the country (I’m not naming names), the cops would have never put him in handcuffs. They would’ve formed a circle jerk around his possum party and threw wooden coins at him.
Here’s possum-abandoner Kate Gosselin shuffling around her town like everything is roses and her old friend IS NOT dead on the side of a road. Shame. Shame. SHAME!