Vanilla Gorilla is getting one trick closer to beating Tiger Woods’ record, because a fourth side ho has come forward claiming that she too fucked Jesse James on the down low for 3 years. Mistress whore number four (I made a rhyme!) comes complete with protection. Radar says that the fourth mistress has already hired famed mistress protector Gloria Allred to represent her. Gloria says that her client isn’t sure if she’s want to go public or not.
Let me break it down for you. What Gloria really means is that the ho in question is waiting for Vanilla Gorilla to ejaculate a wad of cash all over her lips in exchange for her silence. Gloria is a lady, so she doesn’t talk dirty.
Gloria also said,”I represent a beautiful model and businesswoman. She had a three year intimate relationship with Jesse James.”
WAIT! Did she just say “businesswoman“?! Um. Did this “beautiful model” register as an official businesswoman with the Busineswoman Czar Lisa Wu Hartwell:
While Lisa Wu checks on that, read the rest of Gloria’s statement: “He pursued her and had strong feeling for her. She is in the process of trying to decide if she will come forward. She has proof of their relationship including hundreds of text messages, emails and photos. The relationship JUST RECENTLY ENDED after the scandal broke.”
Once more mistresses come forward, someone should organize a Ho-lympics. Vanilla Gorilla’s mistresses vs. Tiger Woods’ mistresses! There can be events like the sext-athlon (who can make a dude bust a nut from a text message the fastest) and the 300-meter race (who can put all her clothes back on and run through the sprinklers in heels before his wife gets home). This must happen!