Lindsay Lohan Is A Graceful Swan Princess

March 24, 2010 / Posted by:

You know the old saying, “Don’t kick a ho while they’re down?” Well, this must be some kind of serious test right here. Now let’s see if I pass (SPOILER ALERT: I fail with flying colors).

So….Lindsay Lohan left her friend’s house in Hollywood at 5:30 this morning after a round of pre-dawn yoga and an intense transcendental meditation session (+5 points). LiLo’s body, brain (+5 points) and soul (+20 points) must have still been in the light afterwards, because she was so dizzy and hazy that a nice police officer had to escort her to the car. LiLo wanted to continue her spiritual journey before going home, so she went for a quick walk in her friend’s cactus garden.

LiLo wanted to feel the nature fall on her body, but unfortunately she fell on nature instead. Specifically, she fell on a cactus. LiLo must have moisturized her skin before leaving her friend’s house, because the cactus did not scream “OUCH! FUCK! NAST!” when she fell on it (-10 points). Luckily, LiLo’s partners in chi were there to help her up and get her home in time so she could shower (+20 points) before going down to the local orphanage to read to the children. The end.

Just for the record, I failed the test, because this was served on a bed of piping hot wise ass sarcasm.

SHARE
Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >