Katherine Heigl Is Praying For Your Forgiveness

“Are you there God? It’s me, Bitchy McAsshole. Oh, it went straight to voicemail...” – Katherine Hagel

As expected, Katherine Hagel has turned in her ABC employee key card and is no longer working on Grey’s Anatomy. In an interview with EW’s Michael Ausiello, Katherine says her decision to abandon her storyline had nothing to do with the cast throwing wilted lettuce heads at her whenever she walked by them. It also had nothing to do with her desire to become a great big movie star. Katherine says she left the show to focus on being a mom. Burp. In her own words:

“I am done. We just finalized our agreement. Everyone had been working really hard to find an amicable and gracious way of letting go and moving on. It’s sad but it’s what I wanted.

I started a family and it changed everything for me. It changed my desire to work full-time. I know I’m disappointing the fans. I just had to make a choice. I hope I made the right one.”

Okay, how did the word “gracious” get past security and make it through Hagel’s lips?! The word “gracious” and Hagel have been at war for YEARS! Gracious won’t talk to Hagel. So my guess is that the word “selfish” is masquerading as “gracious.” Sneaky bitch.

You know, I hope Hagel is telling the truth when she says she wants to devote all her free time to raising her daughter. We better not see her smiling for the cameras on a film set instead of playing with her baby in a park somewhere. Don’t break your promise, Hagel. Babies don’t like liars!