Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 22, 2010 / Posted by:

Brach’s Sundaes Neapolitan Coconuts!

When I was a kid my mother never bought us sugary crap, because she believed (and still does) that processed sugar is made from Satan’s warm blood! Whenever I begged her for candy, she would tell me to go eat a fruit. So because of this, my ass had to get creative to get my fix. I’d drink sugar water and pretend it was soda, or eat a tube of concentrated orange juice and pretend it was ice cream. Desperate times. And when I was feeling real hardcore and brave, I’d steal a couple of pieces of Sundaes Neapolitan Coconuts from the Brach’s bin at the supermarket. When my mom wasn’t looking, I’d grab a few, tell her I had to go to the bathroom and I’d swallow them after flushing the toilet. I was afraid my mom would hear me chewing processed sugar, so that’s why I flushed the toilet.

Yes, I was a child thief! A student of Hood Rat Stuff Academy’s candy robber division. I should send the Brach’s family a money order. But honestly, it’s all my mother’s fault. She forced me into a life of crime by denying me sugary deliciousness. It’s hard out there for a sugar-deprived brat!

(Image via Flickr)

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