Remember this headline from last year: “Pink-Clad Pooch Stolen from Gay Bar by Man With Britney Tattoo“? How could you forget? The taste of strawberry lube hasn’t left your mouth since and the color pink has dimmed its shine in honor of the pink-clad pooch. Well, your no-no can exhale soon, because the alleged poochnapper has been caught!
Last July, Hudson Hayward Hemingway was stolen from a gay bar called Georgie’s Alibi in Ft. Lauderdale, FL by an evil ho with a Britney Spears tattoo. Triple H’s owner Brian Dortort begged for his safe return. The Sun-Sentinel reports that the police in Florida followed the pink rainbow from Triple H’s glitter-hole and it led them all the way to Northampton County, Pennsylvania. That’s where the alleged dognapper lives.
34-year-old Channing Reynolds was taken into custody on related charges (yes, I lied about the pink rainbow thing) in Pennsylvania, and a warrant search showed that he was wanted in Florida. Channing will be extradited to Florida this week to face a grand theft charge. If found guilty, Channing will never ever be allowed to upload a video of him dancing around to a Britney song AGAIN. To a gay Britney fan, that’s pretty much the equivalent of life in a prison without the possibility of parole.
The Sentinel caught up with Brian at his place of business called (pinch your nipples for this one) Bottoms & Tops. They let him know that Triple H’s captor has been arrested. Brian wasn’t exactly queefing out disco balls over the news, because he has since replaced Triple H with Hudson Hayward Hemingway II. Apparently, Triple H Jr. doesn’t throw as many theatrical cunt fits as his namesake. How soon those queens forget!
Unfortunately, police still haven’t located Triple H, but they are hoping Channing Reynolds spills the anal beads on his whereabouts.
This story just keeps giving on giving. Just when you think it maxed out on the gay scale, we find out that Triple H’s owner works at BOTTOMS & TOPS! There ain’t no stopping us now. Fred Phelps just raised a pink flag and screamed, “We surrender!”