Tiger Woods Did Some Pretty Bad Things

March 21, 2010 / Posted by:

In case you missed it (and still give a dick), here’s the 5-minute secret interview the hardest whoring pimp in the golf game gave to ESPN. This is Tiger’s first interview since he brutally murdered that fire hydrant in cold water. Tiger allowed ESPN’s Tom Rinaldi to ask him whatever he wanted as long as it was under 5-minutes. Yup, all the orgasms you can bust in 5-minutes!

Tiger didn’t bring anything new to the party. He basically said that he did some pretty bad things (Yeah, we’ve seen all those bad things on The Insider by now) and that he married Elin because he “loved” her. When Tom asked Tiger if he got down with more than one jump-off, he simply said, “Just one is enough.” I expected Mama Woods to shout from off camera, “Just as we rehearsed in the basement, Tiger! SING OUT! SING OUT!

But seriously, Tom Rinaldi needs more people. Tom easily could’ve made that 5-minutes streeeeetch all the way into tomorrow afternoon. One word: AMBIEN. A few sips of Ambien tea, and Tiger would’ve answered any question Tom asked, made him a turkey club, choked him out, called him his whore and humped a stage freight. And when Tiger woke up from his Ambien haze, he wouldn’t remember anything. If only Barbara Walters gave this interview. She would’ve come prepared with a bottle of the zzzzzz shit hidden in her cleavage.

Click here if you can’t see the video above.

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