Vanilla Gorilla, How Could You?!

March 17, 2010 / Posted by:

Shortly after Kate Winslet announced she was quitting her husband, everyone started screaming about the Best Actress Oscar CURSE! Charlize Theron, Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon and now Kate Winslet all split from their full-time pieces after winning Best Actress. I guess Oscar is a possessive asshole and doesn’t like to share. Well, Sandra Bullock could be next in line to be bit in the ass by the Oscar curse. That’s if you believe InTouch Weekly and a trick who goes by the name Bombshell. Bitch Boom Bye!

According to InTouch, while Sandra Bullock was off shooting The Blind Side in Atlanta, her husband Jesse James was blind siding her ass by passing his peen to Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. Yes, MCGEE! Why did InTouch have to do this to Sandra on today of all days? That leprechaun-tini really isn’t going to taste the same to her today.

Michelle claims that she carried on an 11-month affair with Jesse after meeting him on Facebook. Michelle was interested in possibly modeling for Jesse’s company, West Coast Choppers, so she sent them a friend request. Jesse personally wrote her back and asked her to e-mail him privately. After exchanging a few e-mails back and forth, Michelle met Jesse at West Coast Choppers one night. Jesse gave her a tour of the garage, and then took her back to his office to “watch movies.” We all know what that means. Basically, Jesse stuck his disc in Michelle’s slot.

But before they got down and dirty, Michelle asked Jesse about Sandra. He told her, “She doesn’t live here. She has a house in Austin. She is filming, and I can’t talk about it.” Michelle and Jesse continued to do fucky times together for the next five weeks. Michelle claims they probably got it on two or three times a week. When they weren’t bumping tats, they were texting each other constantly.

InTouch didn’t offer up any picture proof, but Michelle did say that Jesse doesn’t wear underwear or condoms. Michelle nicknamed him “Vanilla Gorilla,” because of his big dick.

You know, mistress whores really are a dime-a-dozen (seriously, you can buy 12 for a dime at The Dollar Tree), so Michelle really needed to come hard here if she wanted to play. Now, I’m not saying that I would fall of my chair if this turned out to be true. Jesse was married to a porn star, so I doubt he’s wearing a halo over his wang. But words don’t mean shit nowadays. We’re going to need pictures, videos, DNA, and several GIFs of the Vanilla Gorilla’s banana. So until Michelle comes up real proof, she can take a seat with the other tricks. Tell my cousins I said “hi,” Michelle.

But more importantly, what does CinnaBun have to say about this?!

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