Here we have the exiled Emperor of Lucite Lorenzo Lamas at Kat Von D’s tattoo salon with his newborn baby fiancee Shawna “Not Shauna” Craig. Of course, they got matching tattoos after Shawna gave Kat Von D a signed permission slip from her parents. Basically, I feel the same way Lorenzo’s torso feels about this entire situation. I’m just meh-ing all over. And no, I’m not meh-ing because I ate a 5-day-old burrito for lunch. Okay, maybe.
Who does Lorenzo’s torso remind me of? The beady eyes, the trout grimace, the Tang-ey skin….. It’s Lindsay Lohan! QUICK! Tell somebody to produce a Lorenzo Lamas biopic right away, so Lindsay can play his middle-aged torso!