Yesterday morning, accidental comedienne Lindsay Lohan made us all laugh like we’ve never laughed before when she filed a $100 million (or 500,000 8-balls) lawsuit against E-Trade, because she believes that a Milkaholic baby named Lindsay featured in their Super Bowl commercial was based on her. LiLo was dead serious when she claimed that she is one-name famous like Madonna and Oprah. Don’t use that during your set at amateur comedy night or LiLo will sue you for $100 million and White Oprah will call you a little baby.
The New York Post got White Oprah on the phone to get her thoughts on LiLo’s lawsuit against E-Trade. White Oprah was gracious enough to clear her schedule of doing nothing to say this: “They’re little babies doing this, mocking another child who’s just trying to survive Hollywood, basically. I’m just basically glad I took a stand. I’m not going to let them do this to us anymore. Everyone knows Lindsay, like Cher or Madonna.”
Oh, White Oprah, you are crazy as you are orange. You are as delusional as you are peroxide-ridden. You are as genius as you are shameless.
I mean, Lindsay Lohan is hardly a child. The girl can drive a car for fucks sake. Wait, um…bad example. The girl can go number 2 by herself for fucks sake. Wait, um…another bad example. The girl can form a complete sentence. Oh fuck. I give up. White Oprah wins! Lindsay is a child. Shame on, E-Trade! Child on child hate is the worst!