Oh, Nothing Is Going On

March 9, 2010 / Posted by:

Fishsticks Paltrow slipped on a custom coat (made out of Chris Martin’s testicle hair) to take a stroll to see how construction is coming along on her massive 33-room Casa De Poop in London. Fishy was escorted by Gary Lightbody, the lead singer of Snow Patrol. Gary is kind of like Chris Martin, but with less cuntness.

I’m sure the tabloids are going to dry hump all over these pictures and declare that Fishsticks has replaced her husband with Gary. But I doubt anything is going on here. I’m sure Gary just came over so Fishsticks could help him lose his “batwings” and give him a cucumber/cayenne enema (or whatever the fuck she’s into these days). Strictly GOOP business. So if you see Gary on the street with a leaky butt, it’s just his dignity seeping out from spending time with Fishsticks.

With that said, you know Fishsticks gets hard when thinking about what her full name would be if she married Gary. Gwyneth Lightbody. Ugh. That’s a yoga pose, right?

UPDATE: That’s not Gary Lightbody with her, but Gwyneth Paltrow still wishes her full name was Gwyneth Lightbody. That is all.

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