On the left we have the most glamorous woman in the world Joan Collins at a QVC event in Beverly Hills last night. On the right we have the most glamorous swan on the ice Johnny Weir at the Independent Spirit Awards in Los Angeles. Somebody needs to get fired, because it is a damn travesty that these two glamorous beings were in the same county, at the same time, wearing almost the same outfit and they were NOT photographed together. Bitches get sent to the back of the unemployment line for making mistakes like this!
But the weekend is still young, so hopefully the stars will align and these two will meet in the purse section at Neiman Marcus. They will fight over the same Fendi fur satchel and claws will come out. Johnny will rip off Joan’s hairpiece and Joan will Tonya Harding him with her stiletto heel. A police woman (played by Margo Martindale) will arrest the both of them.
Officer Margo kind of has a glue sniffing problem, so she only brought one pair of handcuffs for Joan and Johnny to share. Officer Margo also lost the key somewhere, so Joan and Johnny are forced to sit in the same cell handcuffed to each other. After throwing a dozen Dynasty-approved evil eyes at one another for a couple of hours, they will finally bond after a drunk tranny hooker barfs on their matching alligator stiletto boots. It’s best friends forever after that.
And then I woke up to find the corners of my mouth covered in rhinestone dust.
By the way, don’t say anything when Diane Keaton wears Johnny Weir’s outfit to the Oscars tomorrow night. You know she is.