Save Knut’s Nuts!!!!!!

March 3, 2010 / Posted by:

Don’t look now, but here comes PETA again trying to kill a bitch’s good time. PETA has called for Knut’s nuts on a silver platter, because the former child star of the Berlin Zoo has been getting a little too sexy with a female polar bear who goes by the name of (read this in a light whisper) Giovanna. Yup, it’s always a Giovanna. Trouble-making tramp.

PETA’s resident polar bear expert (who got the title after eating an entire box of Klondike bars) says that Knut and Giovanna should not be allowed to rub genitals, because they are first cousins. Cue the entire Spears family saying, “SO!?

The expert explained, “Any offspring would threaten the genetic diversity of the polar bear population in Germany and risk exposing the bear couple to a condition known as ‘incest depression.’ Knut fans need to know that only Knut’s castration would allow a long life together with Giovanna.”

You know what’s worse than incest depression? Not having a fucking nutsack! My own dog will never forgive me for that one. I see the shank eye he gives me when he’s licking the area where his pride and joy used to be. Whenever he walks into the room while I’m changing, I have to cover up my down low goods really fast or else he’ll think that I’m teasing him. Sad. I should really look into getting him testicle implants. Back to Knut’s nuts!

Can’t they just put Giovanna on the pill? Or give Knut condoms? Or make him swear on a block of ice that he’ll pull out and cum on her bear cheeks (we know how that works)? Ugh. The Spears or the Cyrus family should really take Giovanna and Knut in. They understand.

via The Awl

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