Simon Monjack Is Not In The Will

March 2, 2010 / Posted by:

Simon Monjack’s name was included in Brittany Murphy’s will, but only to point out that she isn’t leaving him a pen to shit in! But don’t cry into your donuts for Simon, he tells TMZ that he asked Brittany to write in her will: “I am married to Simon Monjack who I have intentionally left out of this will.”

After Brittany and Simon got married, she drafted up a will and trust, leaving everything to her mother Sharon including her home in the Hollywood Hills. TMZ also reports that Sharon has put the house on the market for $7.2 million. Simon says that once the house is sold, he will move to New York WITH Sharon……

Did all of us suddenly board the Orient Express bound for Agatha Christie-ville?! When we turn the page, are we going to read that Sharon and Simon are now living on a house on Long Island together where he spends his days sunbathing in a Speedo by the pool while she paints still lifes in the greenhouse? “Something in the milk ain’t clean” indeed.

In other news from the Sasquatch Gazette, Simon says that he’s fasting right now so he can fit into his tuxedo and walk the red carpet at the Oscars on Sunday. Simon tells E!,I have been honored by an invitation to the Academy Awards, which I am very grateful for. As far as the plan goes, I will fast for the next seven days in order to fit into my tux and polish up the patent leather shoes and then, in my wife’s honor, walk the infamous red carpet.”

My side-eye is staying to the side.

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