Lady GaGa Is Keeping Her Genitals To Herself

Lady CaCa walks around in public with only dick-tucking panties on, and regularly sings about humping on someone’s disco stick (or something), but that doesn’t mean she’s living the real-life version of Caligula. At MAC’s Viva Glam charity event in London last night, Lady CaCa told reporters (via E!) that she’s single and celibate at the moment. Eddie Murphy just frowned.

Lady CaCa queefed, “I’m single because I don’t have the time. You know what? It’s OK. Even Lady Gaga can be celibate, you don’t have to have sex to be loved. If you can’t get to know them, you shouldn’t have sex with them. Orgasms are the biggest obstacles for women. Sex should be fun, beautiful and colorful, but women get the short end of the stick. We’re just receivers. We can’t talk about sex, we can’t sing about sex.”

Since we’re suddenly in a sex ed. class now, can Professor CaCa explain to me what “getting to know them” means? Because in my circle jerk, getting to know them IS fucking around with them. I mean, how can I have a second date with someone if I don’t know if the dick is good or not? If the dick sucks, do you really want to have pancakes with them in the morning?

My motto is, if you want to fuck ’em, fuck ’em. If you don’t want to fuck ’em, go home, grab a bottle of lube and fuck yourself.