The Queen of Scientology Suri Cruise is really getting bored with playing dress up with her daddy and having tea parties with E.T., so she has ordered that her mother Stepford Katie bring her a real-life baby to play with. And since Suri is the boss, Tommy Girl snapped his fingers in Z formation and sent Stepford Katie to the Scientology Center to be prepared for pregnancy.
One source tells Page Six that Katie is undergoing intense “auditing” at the Scientology Center in Hollywood. Katie was there for fours last week. The source thinks they are preparing her for a second baby, “This is exactly what happened just before she got pregnant with Suri. Tom has made no secret of the fact that he would like another baby. It is almost as if she is being prepared for it. Scientologists believe the health and the sanity of the child begin long before birth.”
What in Tommy Girl anal gland Hell are they auditing Katie for? Don’t they just have to check the trash on her hard drive to see what secrets she’s been storing lately? Seriously.
I don’t even want to know how they prepare Katie for pregnancy. I bet they beam down a bowl of L. Ron Hubbard’s frozen sperm. Then Tommy Girl comes out in silver disco shorts and dethaws the sperm by rubbing his ass cheeks all over it while dancing to the Star Trek theme song.