If John Mayer thinks that Jessica Simpson is sexual napalm, then he has obviously never tried to tame Courtney Love’s nuclear snatch. Because according to the Renaissance Faire reject, not even Jeremy Renner in his Hurt Locker bomb suit can diffuse Court’s cooch.
Crazy Courtney just got around to reading John Mayer’s Playboy interview and she ranted all about it on Twitter the other day. Courtney has come to the conclusion that she wants to hate fuck John Mayer and punch him in the face.
This is kind of funny, because anybody who has sex with Courtney and/or John immediately punches themselves in the face afterwards. If Court and John ever get nekkid together, there’s going to be a whole lot of fucking, punching, and vomiting going on. Fight Club: THE HORROR MOVIE!
Court also said that John’s dickkk is really no match for her vagina since she regularly does her Kegals (aka vaginarobics).
Here’s some of Court’s Tweets about John. They might make sense to you if you….No, fuck it. They won’t make sense to you no matter what. Before you go in, you should know that the safe word is “RIBBIT.”
do you ever feel like spite hate fucking @johncmayer just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !
5:49 PM Feb 23rd via web
but like say your fucking @johncmayer totally throwing him around the room in bits and then you just BAM punch him in the face? good times
5:58 PM Feb 23rd via web
ive said far stupider shit than @johncmayer about my alist bfs tho ive been discreet. but about rockers i spill the beans.
6:00 PM Feb 23rd via web
oh dudes Mayers a little bland for me and youngish ill do young, but hes neither Yale Harvard Oxford and hes not really rock, so not for me
6:02 PM Feb 23rd via web
hate fucking is an art like “the pit” meaning you rape each other and then beat the shit our of each other so u can feel shit.
6:04 PM Feb 23rd via web
my genealogist and my gynocplogist know i do my Kegals like a snatch the cig off the table thai sex worker.
6:08 PM Feb 23rd via web