Vadge was sick of Baby Jesus’ loud ass goo goo and gagas waking her up in the middle of the day as she tries to sleep in her coffin, so she got him a record deal! That way he can cry and whine in front of a mic in a recording studio far far away. Some mothers send their children to daycare, Vadge sends hers to a recording studio!
The Sun says that Baby Jesus’ first single titled “We Came From Light” (insert your own Vadge vag joke here) will come out this Summer. Vadge was only able to get Baby Jesus a two-single deal from Warner Bros. after she agreed to license some of her classic songs for advertising campaigns. A source added, “Madonna really wants Jesus’s career to take off. She’s been going through her Filofax and putting him in contact with as many of her influential pals as she can.”
Aw. This is sweeter than Gay Al Reynold’s donut hole. Vadge really is a loving sugar memaw. Before Vadge drops Baby Jesus off at the orphanage, she wants to teach him how to wipe his own ass and walk a few steps without the help of a toddler walker. Vadge’s zombie heart still has a few beats in it.
In other news, JLo chopped her hair off, strapped her titties and ass down, changed her name to Joachim and was seen strutting outside of Vadge’s front door.