This has all the makings of a plushie gay porn. TMZ brings us this story about a dude who is suing the Kansas City Royals after he claims he got poked in the eye by Sluggerrr the Lion’s piping hot wiener. If you touched your private area after reading that last sentence, please grab the nearest stuffed animal and do what you need to do in the bathroom. Your therapist will be waiting for you on line two when you get back.
John Coomer filed a lawsuit in Missouri, claiming that his left eye was severely injured from a wiener that hit him in the eye during a Royals game last year. In the lawsuit, John says that the Royals mascot, Sluggerrr the Lion, got on top of the third base dugout and started launching hot dogs at the crowd from an air gun. When Sluggerrr had enough of the gun, he began to throw the dogs with his hands. That’s when Sluggerrr lost control of his throw, and lodged a wiener directly into John’s eye.
John says he now suffers from a detached retina and cataracts (aka what happens when you watch an episode of Jersey Shore while completely sober). John wants $25,000 from the Royals to compensate for the humiliation he suffered from getting fucked in the eye with a lion’s hot sausage in front of thousands of people.
You know, I completely believe John. Just look at Sluggerrr. That douchebag looks like he’d tap you in the eye with his wiener without romancing you first. And really, Sluggerrr could’ve put on a condom before he tried to hit in John’s eye. Nasty eye-fucking asshole.