The Child Army Is Moving

February 22, 2010 / Posted by:

St. Angie, Billy Goat Brad and all eleventy of their children left Venice, Italy for Paris this morning surrounded by a team of security. The security was mostly for the twin messiahs (who may or may not have found Brad’s secret hash stash), because if the hand of a mere mortal touches them, Earth will turn to dust.

But seriously, St. Angie should get rid of all that security and just keep her kids on those child leashes. Child leashes are not only the greatest invention in life, but they are also all sorts of entertaining. Just yesterday, I was on my way to buy a taco and some lady had her toddler on a leash. Of course, a grouchy ass grandma had to say something like, “Oh my. Treating him like a dog!” Ha. I would’ve given up my left nipple if the mom pulled out a bag of cookies and told her child to sit. Grandma would’ve turned inside/out.

Even though I think child leashes are necessary (no, I don’t), I’m glad they weren’t around when I was a kid. If they were, my abuelita would’ve tied my leash to a tree in the backyard and forgot about me. I’d still be there today, and rightly so.

Here’s more of Brangie and their army of walking hats leaving for Paris.

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