Cheryl Cole of the UK girl group Girls Aloud is going through some bad marriage shit right now. Basically, her marriage is currently at the bottom of a toilet surrounded by a bunch of caca nuggets. Cheryl’s footballer husband Ashley Cole is currently having a Tiger Woods moment, because mistresses are falling out of his crotch every time he goes in for a scratch. The Daily Mail says that a fourth ho has come forward claiming she did it on the down low with Ashley.
So what’s a Cheryl to do? Well, Cheryl took her ass over to Los Angeles and is now crying on the Ken doll shoulder of Dancing with the Has-Beens dancer Derek Hough. The two have been out on several dates, and some seem to think Cheryl is only going out with him to make her husband all jealous and shit. Yes, I’m sure Ashley is crying tears of jealousy (LUBE!) into a hooker’s ass thinking about Cheryl going out with a dude who looks like a kept Palm Springs boy toy turned gay porn star circa 1981. That was delivered with zero sarcasm, because we all want to go to lunch at Houston’s with a gay porn star circa 1981. Let’s be honest.
And here’s more of Cheryl and Derek going to lunch at Houston’s yesterday.